How You Can Positively Change Your Community
by Senator Brett
I know that a lot of times I come across as a cynical, sarcastic a-hole with an hell-bent agenda of mocking my own faith. However, today is going to be much different. I’m going to give you instructions on how to be a positive influence on your community, your town, your family, as well as make a positive impact on those around you.
Do what I do…
Recently, I started a prayer group. Now, bear in mind, I’m not what one would consider a “prayer warrior.” I’m more of “yell at God and cry a lot for maybe five minutes before switching on The Daily show” kinda warrior. However, I know that my community, my family, my friends, hell, this entire nation and world desperately needs people who will unite and pray for our healing.
So, I started a prayer group at a local church. And, here’s how it works.
I went to a one of those large mega-churches in my area. I pretended to be there as a representative of a local food shelter who was there to see if our program could work with people that the church might know who might be in need of assistance. While the young woman, who was sitting at the front desk, disappeared down the long hallway to talk to someone about where to direct me, I slinked behind her desk and used her computer to access the email information of all the church members and emailed the list to myself. Then, as I was quickly gathering my things to leave the young woman returned and I hastily explained to her that I had to leave immediately because I had just received a text that told me that an eighteen-wheeler that had been hauling 25 water buffaloes to the Dallas zoo had overturned and if I could get to the scene of the accident in time I could harvest the meat from the dead buffaloes using only my Bowie knife and the skillful hands that the Good Lord had given me.
She was very impressed.
Anyway, when I got home I downloaded the file an sent out a mass email to all the members of the church informing them that the church had started a new prayer service on Wednesdays at 11 A.M. It would be called “Prayer Bandaid of the World” and that the church, as a whole, should really consider coming, as it was to be sure to bring the Lord’s presence, and also, there’d be free coffee and blueberry muffins.
I have to be honest here. I’m not sure if it has worked, or not. I’ve never been. But, here’s my thinking…
1) It should have worked because what type of church would turn away a bunch of people coming together to pray for the world? It would take a real asshat of a pastor to deny his, or her, congregation a gathering place for public prayer.
2) It was scheduled for Wednesday at 11 in the morning… if you are available on Wednesday at 11 in the morning, trust me, you’re aching for something to do!
3)The Bible says that good things come to those who wait… I’ve been waiting years to pull this prank, and the Bible never lies… so… 1+1 = 2.
Now, I get that some of you might think that this might be in the greyish area of spiritual deeds. I get that. But, in my defense…
1) I am trying to do something, so that’s a start!
2) I do plan on attending… but, I’m gonna give it a couple of weeks so that they can get the blueberry muffin thing down. Blueberry muffins are very important to my prayer muscles.
Have a good one folks!
Your Friendly Senator
P.S. I just spoke with God, and I feel in my spirit that He would really like for you to share this post on your Facebook and Twitter accounts. I could be wrong, but that seem to be the words that I am hearing. 🙂