Thought of the Day – Are You Too Dumb For Your Hair?!
by Senator Brett
The other day I picked up a canister of Axe hair putty instead of my normal Garnier Fructis putty (Yes, I prefer Garnier. I don’t care what you think of me, it’s a great product for a great price). While fixing my hair for the first time, using this product, I glanced down at the upside down lid and I noticed the strangest thing. There are friggin’ instructions printed on the underside of the lid! Really? Really?!
Seriously, if you are so dumb that you don’t know how to use hair putty then here’s a clue: You should not be doing your hair because you should not be preparing to go anywhere into the outside world… because you will die. There are so many dangers out there for someone like you… like cars, streets, buses, curbs, youths, peddlers, fast food chains, stop lights, sidewalks, community pools with unlocked gates. Seriously, if you need step-by-step instructions on how to use a wonderfully simple product like hair putty, then trust me, you’re screwed with everything else. You need to pack it all in, go find a comfy couch and continue to watch the Maury Povich Show because that’s about as far as you should reach. I’m sorry, kitten, the outside world was not meant for you.
Anyway, have a great one, folks… and, as always, remember… it’s not the sudden stop at the end of the fall that will kill you. No, it’s those pesky little things like twist-off caps, canned goods and venturing outside your door that will do you in.
Your Friendly Senator