Okay, so this is gonna be one of those posts that makes everyone mad. I’m okay with that. You know what… let’s just get right to it…
Chickens Are Making Everyone Dumb!
by Senator Brett
Okay, this Chick-fil-A thing is getting WAY out of hand! And, not just on one side of the issue… on all sides. Actually, to be honest, the fact that this thing is even risen to the title of “issue” is a sad commentary on the state of our national discourse. So, seriously, everyone just stop for the next few minutes. Take a little bit of your time, read this, and then decide if what you are doing/saying/thinking makes any sense at all.
1. To the mayors that are trying to keep Chick-fil-A out of your cities:
Stop! Just stop… you’re a mayor… a mayor… not Idi Amin! And, despite the fact that many people in America are delusional and believe that we live in a true “free market”… we still live in the neighborhood of it. Which means that what you are trying to do is wrong. Just wrong, nothing else. Yes, Chick-fil-A’s owners might be ignorant people who base their sense of “marriage” on a book that was written by man, about a God that, according to the Scriptures, has some very weird ideas of what is right when it comes to marriages (If my brother dies… I’m not marrying his wife. Sorry, I’m just not!), but it’s their right to be wrong. Plain and simple… this is America, where the one thing you are absolutely allowed to do is be loud, wrong and stupid. How else can you explain the career of Glenn Beck? When Chick-fil-A stops serving gay people food based on their sexual orientation… then, and ONLY then, are you allowed to stop a business permit. Hell, you can even close them down at that point. Until then… you should probably concentrate on the 100,000 other, more important, issues that your cities face.
2. To the people boycotting Chick-fil-A:
This is all your fault! All of it. If you hadn’t started a stupid boycott then we wouldn’t be here. If not for you, then Dan Cathy’s ignorant remarks would have stayed exactly where they should be… with himself and the people who believe just as he does. Did you really think that a boycott was going to accomplish anything? Did you not take some time to consider the eventual outcome of such a move? Seriously, I thought gay people and gay right organizers were supposed to be smart! Tell me how the boycotts of Target and Best Buy went… tell me… seriously, tell me… wait… wait… you’re gonna have to speak louder… I can’t hear you because these new speakers I got from Best Buy are rockin’ it! Have you not noticed that most, not all, but most boycotts only draw attention to the companies themselves? Sure, if they were a “mom and pop” company with a few-or-less branches located in the middle of highly gay communities, sure, then you might have a chance to bring them down. But, the only thing this boycott was ever going to do was help out the company that you were trying to impact… well, other than guarantee that my FB feed became inundated with some of the stupidest, most ignorant, pictures and posts… from BOTH sides. So, thanks for that, I guess.
Oh, and before I forget… if you really would have thought everything through you would have pushed for more people who believe like Dan Cathy to eat at Chick-fil-A. It is easily apparent that it is the younger generation of our time that is going to get civil rights for gay people. The middle-aged and older generation are not going to do it. But, the younger generation might. So, if you’re smart, you get the older generations to eat as much fast food as they possibly can so that they can develop heart diseases and diabetes (And all the other wonderful things that come from a fast food diet!) on a much more quicker pace. The sooner they die out… the sooner you get to register at Bed, Bath & Beyond!
(Oh, my God, I just realized… this might be what you had in mind all along! You clever, well-dressed and hygienic bastards! I love my family! If I find out that this is what y’all had planned… I’m gonna punch Will AND Grace right in the face! Although, I have to admit… our family reunions are getting a little out of hand. We had to have the last one on the deck of the U.S.S. Kittyhawk… and it almost sank.)
So, did you even take the time to consider that all you’ve really accomplished is to make a wealthy family that believes that your lifestyle is a sin and that it is destroying our nation… all you have accomplished was to make them more wealthy in the long run.
Oh, and BTW… if you were really smart… you’d stop saying that you support gay rights. You diminish yourselves by doing so. The issue concerning the right of one adult wanting to marry another adult and receiving from the government the rights afforded to all those in similar circumstances is NOT… and I repeat NOT… simply a gay right. It is an equal right. So, stop labeling yourselves… because until you stop labeling yourselves I can gauran-f’n-tee you that no one else will.
3. To the people attending Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day or upping their Chick-fil-A diet.
First thing, stop lying. You’re not supporting “free speech”… you’re supporting “your speech”… so just be honest about it. You’re no more patriotic than you are misinformed. Period. Some of the people that I see posting stuff about how they support Chick-fil-A are the same people that I’ve seen post stuff about how they are boycotting a company because that company supports equal rights. So, stop lying.
Secondly, if you don’t see that Chick-fil-A is using this to garner more money from you, then you’re crazy. Consider this… take a look at the gay demographic (or Dinks, if you will: Double Income No Kids)… now take a look at the people you know that are hard-core “conservative” and who believe that gay people should not be allowed to get married. Which group is likely to have a much higher percentage of people that eat fast food regularly? It’s not even close. Conservative Christians win that percentage fight by a long mile. If you don’t think that there’s a really good chance that a lot of this is just a marketing hype… then you haven’t been paying attention to the “more than questionable” marketing strategies (or, as the Bible calls them, “lies”) that Chick-fil-A has employed and used since the beginning of all this. Stop spending your money making wealthy people wealthy (see above) and spend it on truly Christian enterprises. There are people who need money to build houses for orphans in Africa. They are people opening orphanages in Haiti. There are organizations providing mosquito nets to stop the spread of malaria and AIDS. They need money. Stop wasting your money on bullshit politically-inspired marketing campaigns and start putting it where God would actually want you to put it! Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus give money, or donate His time and services, to a politically-minded situation (if memory serves me correctly, He actually spent time with tax-collectors and people on the “other side” of what was considered “godly” at the time). But, you know what… He DID feed the hungry, He DID heal the sick, He DID turn water into really good wine. (Okay, so the first two were for y’all… the last one was mostly for me!) So, just pause, and think, “Am I really furthering the gospel of Christ by showing everyone that I like spicy chicken sandwiches?”
And, if you still insist on supporting tomorrows BS event… please, if you’re gonna post stuff on FB… stop using the one that says “One Man, One Woman, God Luvs Marriage, Eat Mor Chikin!” It is ignorant and dumb… not just in it’s message, but more so, much more so, in the lack of honesty behind it. If the signs were actually accurate about state of marriage in the church it would read “One Man, One Woman… At A Time, Divorce rate in the church is as high as it is in the secular world, so apparently, marriage is not ‘sacred’ to us. Until we get our shit together and start treating marriage with the honor and dignity that it deserves, then we sure as hell aren’t going to tell other groups of people what, and what does not, constitute a ‘holy thing’ in the eyes of God! And, that’s not even counting all of our marriages that are still intact after going through adultery because it is the ‘Christian’ thing to do to work through those things!” Okay… so that might be a little long to put on those small signs, but I think you get the point. At least, I hope you do. Sadly, some won’t.
So, that’s all I’m going to say… now and forever, on Chick-fil-A-Gayt. Everyone is wrong, and stupid, and ignorant in some way, myself included, if not more so. 🙂
Oh, wait… if you disagree with me on anything, and you want the message to really hit home with me… I promise I will mention it and bring it up in a public forum if you do the following:
Gay people mad at me: send me anything DKNY or Perry Ellis Portfolio Series. Yeah, pretty much anything. And, a gift card to Ulta would go a long way to really driving home the point that you think I am a moron! 🙂
People Who Insist on Supporting the Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day: send me a spicy chicken sandwich, those are my favorite… extra tomatoes and pickles, please. Or, better yet, nothing says, “You’re going to burn in Hell!” like a $50 Chick-fil-A gift card!
People Ambivalent on the Subject: send cash.
Have a good one, folks! And, remember… the tolerance you have for people who believe differently than yourself is equal to the character you posses. At least, I think so.
Your Friendly Senator
P.S. I don’t proof. It requires WAY too much effort… so, if I made a mistake, as I’m sure I have, please, get over it quickly as I assure you that I already have done so! 🙂
P.P.S. The below painting is for everyone. With all the beauty that is in this world, with all the benevolent talent that God has given to some men and women, we sure seem to concentrate on all the ugly things way too often.